You've Got To Be Kidding...

No. Fucking. Way. This girl? Again? Really?!?! I have no idea how long Microsoft has been running this manipulative piece of communist propoganda, but I do know that I'll be watching it until at least October 22nd. Just when you think your world is free of cute, tiny Asian girls named Kylie, Microsoft is RIGHT THERE to completely shatter your life and melt away your heart! There are an unending number of things that are completely infuriating about these 30 seconds of marketing mind-control, but a few jump out:

1. Still no parents? Has this girl been fending for herself with a PC for the past year and a half?? Hopefully she at least has some badass games like Number Munchers. That game was legit.
   
2. She talks about finding "happy words" all over her "dad's" computer but then can't even pronounce the word responsive. And she doesn't just mispronounce it... she somehow twists the word so badly/cutely that it triggers an entirely uncontrollable and unconscious feeling of happiness all over! What the hell?!!?!
3. The cute little Asian girl wasn't enough, was it Microsoft? Nope. She needs to make a slide show with kitties and bunnies and unicorns. They're determined to make you vomit sunshine and shit rainbows! And by the way, talk about your one-trick ponies... LEARN SOME OTHER SOFTWARE! Maybe make an Excel spreadsheet and do something worthwhile, like track the number of hours you've been unsupervised for the last year. Christ!
   
4. Adding "Final Countdown" as the background music was a sly touch, Microsoft. You rope in ladies with the cuteness and then BAM! The most revered stadium rock song of all-time starts blaring. Your juxstaposition confused me. Touche.

I think we can all agree... this is an insufferable ad campaign that must be stopped. I encourage everyone to write letters to their congressmen/women, boycott Microsoft, and scowl at every Asian child you see. Together, we can make it through October 22nd.