BREAKING NEWS: Beating Women = Bad for Career!!

In what almost everyone would consider shocking news, Chris Brown's upcoming "Fan Appreciation" tour is having trouble selling tickets. Crazy! I can't believe that people wouldn't want to see an abusive, entitled man-child play average songs that came out a long time ago!! You'd think people would be lining up for the chance to hear "Transform Ya" (and maybe, if you're lucky, leave without a black eye). And if he was having trouble with ticket sales before, Rihanna's recent appearances on Good Morning America and 20/20 might cause him to... hmmm, I don't know. If I was Chris Brown and Rihanna made me mad, what would I do?? Gee, there are so many options... I guess I could call her up and have a conversation in which I was apologetic and sincere. We could go to dinner and discuss the situation like adults. Or maybe we could go for a drive somewhere...